Captain Huggies

by Skyblade Dragon aka Melissa Barlow

Narrator: You thought he was just another bedwetting wimp, another ugly troll who couldn't get a date if one fell out of the sky and hit him on the head. Think again. For when there is danger, mild-mannered Shamino becomes.... Captain Huggies! Defender of truth, justice, and the bedwetting way! When last we left our heroes they were headed towards the Temple of Enthusiasm...

Dupre: Avatar, are we there yet?

Avatar: For the tenth time, NO!!!

Shamino: Aaaaavatar.

Avatar: What?! Did you wet your diaper AGAIN?

Shamino: Well, I did. But that's not what I wanted to tell you.

Dupre: But Avatar, when are we going to get there?

Avatar: It's just over that next mountain.

Dupre: But that's what you told us three hours ago.

Shamino: Avatar?

Avatar: There's an extra diaper in Iolo's backpack, now leave me alone! [then turning to Dupre] Look, according to this map we're almost there.

Shamino: Avatarrrrrr!

Avatar: What? Did we forget to get you the Pull-ups?

Shamino: No, it's just that you have a map of New Jersey, we've been heading towards Shea Stadium the whole time.

Avatar: D'owe! I knew I shouldn't have bought that map from that Hare Krishna at the docks!

Iolo: Face it Avatar, we're lost. Let's find the local Quickie Mart and ask for directions.

Avatar: [in a very reluctant voice] Fine.

Narrator: Minutes later the Avatar and his fearless companions come across a Quickie Mart. They enter and are greeted by a penguin.

Penguin: [In a stereotypical Indian voice]: Hello, my name is Habib, would you be liking a Slurpee?

Dupre: Slurpee! [He then proceeds to run over to the Slurpee machine and guzzle it right from the spout]

Penguin: I take it you will be paying for that.

Avatar: Yeah, I'll be paying for that.

Shamino: Avatar, if Dupre gets to have something then I want some Pez.

Avatar: Fine. Could I also some coffee? And by any chance do you know where the Temple of Enthusiasm is?

Penguin: Of course, the Temple of Enthusiasm is right over the next mountain.

Avatar: D'owe!

Narrator: The Avatar pays for the stuff and is about to leave the Quickie Mart.

Penguin: Stop! Thief!

Avatar: Dupre! Give it back!

Dupre: But I didn't do it this time, honestly, I didn't.

Penguin: It was him! He stole my most valued Twinkies!

Narrator: Everybody turns to look.

Everybody: Iolo!!!!!!??????

Iolo: Who, me?

Penguin: There is no use in lying Iolo Twinkie-stealer! You are to be emptying out your pockets!

Narrator: Iolo does as he is told and takes out of his pockets a box of Glow-in-the-dark condoms, panty hose, Nachos, laxatives and 10 packs of Twinkies.

Iolo: Sorry, I couldn't help myself.

Avatar: [with an evil grin] Iolo, is that virtuous!

Narrator: Everybody starts to laugh at Iolo.

Dupre: Iolo is a klepto! Iolo is a klepto!

Iolo: Stop it! I am not!

Narrator: Iolo loses his temper and takes out of his backpack a Fire Blast Spell. He casts it and the fireballs head straight for the Quickie Mart!

Avatar: Ahhhh!

Narrator: The Quickie Mart is totally demolished.

Penguin: What have you done to my most lovely Quickie Mart!!! You have completely destroyed it! And my insurance just ran out!!!!

Iolo: Oops.

Avatar: Well, I think it's about time we got going, don't you all think?

Narrator: Everyone nods their heads in agreement.

Narrator: As they all run away from the ruined Quickie Mart, Iolo grabs another pack of Twinkies, Shamino grabs some Pull-ups and Dupre takes a 6-pack of Jolt.

Penguin: Stop! Or I'll be forced to used Quickie Mart magic!

Narrator: The penguin yells out, "In Slurpee Grav". And suddenly a slurpee field surrounds the Avatar and his companions.

Avatar: Dupre can you eat your way out of the Slurpee!

Dupre: Slurpee!

Avatar: I'll take that as a yes.

Narrator: Dupre slurps up the Slurpee and then falls to the ground.

Shamino: Dupre, what's wrong?

Dupre: Whoa, brainfreeze.

Narrator: Dupre then falls to the ground, unconscious, and Shamino drags him off to safety. Meanwhile, back at the battlefield....

Avatar: Ha, I also know Quickie Mart magic! Frigidazzi taught it to me!

Iolo: That's not the only thing she taught you.

Avatar: Kal Vas Hot Dog!

Narrator: Hot dogs begin to rain from the sky, mercilessly pelting the Quickie Mart penguin.

Penguin: Kal Vas Big Gulp Mir Corp!

Avatar: Oh no.

Iolo: What?

Avatar: It's the dreaded Big Gulp of Death Spell!

Iolo: Is that anything like the dreaded Wet Noodle of Death spell?

Avatar: It's worse, much worse.

Iolo: Well, what's supposed to happen?

Narrator: A Gigantic Big Gulp appears and dumps its contents on both the Avatar and Iolo, nearly drowning them.

Avatar: That. This is all your fault Iolo! If you hadn't stolen those Twinkies!

Iolo: Oh be quiet! If you don't shut up I'm going to tell Nastassia about what you did with Lucilla in Monitor!

Avatar: Of course, it would be virtuous to forgive and forget.

Penguin: In Vas Des Por Nacho!

Narrator: A large tray of Nachos falls on both the Avatar and Iolo.

Avatar: [with Nacho cheese dripping all over him] Help!!! Where's Shamino when you need him!?

Shamino: Where's a telephone booth when you need one?

Iolo: Help! I've been squished by giant nachos and I can't get up!

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