Well, everyone else is doing one of these delightful babies...

 So why not?


 *or, VMAACIAATATTOU, which looks a little like Mac A Tattoo, which will make a fair title*

Mac A Tattoo

by Atticus Dragon aka Addison Godel

 As we begin our story, the Avatar, Iolo, Dupre, Shamino, Spark, Sentri, and a couple of level 1 women whose names I can't remember are wandering around New Magincia...

 Avatar: Tell me more about your philosophy.
 Peasant: Glad you asked!  The Fellowship advances the philosophy of  "sanguine cognition"...
 Spark: This is boooooring...
 Iolo: Hush, Spark, the Avatar may be on to something!
 Spark: The only thing he's on is incense.  I can't believe we went to the  Underworld to get that stuff!
 Dupre: 'tis an acquired taste, lad.
 Shamino: Personally, I prefer that fairy dust we got on Ambrosia.  Wooowwwww...
 Peasant: Could you keep it down?  I'm trying to make a convert here...
 D,S,S: Sorry...
 Avatar: Thank you...now---what's that?
 <the avatar points to something resembling a golden moongate>
 Peasant: (runs screaming to her hut)
 Sentri: (to Avatar) What is that thing?
 Avatar: What makes you think I know?
 Sentri: Oh...I haven't been in the plot yet, so I thought I might have missed something...
 <the Avatar and company cautiously approach the moongate.  Well, the Avatar moves cautiously.  Iolo and Shamino run right up to it, and
 everyone else runs in the opposite direction.  Suddenly, a man clad in black armor steps out of the moongate, which promptly closes>
 Volatios: Dammit!  I paid for a round trip!  Why do these things always close so early?
 <crack of, "Cause they're run by Northlake Shopping Mall" repressed by the Bad Joke Police>
 Avatar: Such language!  Tsk tsk!
 Volatios: What is this place?
 Avatar: (reading from generic script) I am Eric.
 Volatios: Idiot, I asked you where we are!
 Avatar: Oh.  (flips pages)  My, you ARE from far away.  This is New Magincia, the city of Humility!
 Volatios: How enchanting. (yawns)  Where can I get a decent blackrock transformer around here?
 Iolo: What, like Rudyom's Wand?
 Avatar: Hey, what did you guys do with that thing, anyway?
 Shamino: Oh, we decided we didn't need it and dropped it in Destard.
 Avatar: (smacks forehead) Darn!  We're going to need that, I just know it, its name is capitalized!
 Iolo: So is the Vortex Cube and we haven't used that since Ultima Si---er, two hundred years ago!
 Avatar: Granted, but we were given the wand by a character...
 <an argument ensues...>
 Volatios: Listen, I'm in a bit of a hurry...if this wand of yours is a blackrock transformer, I could really use it...
 Avatar: Well, these two goons left it in the middle of a dragon's nest!
 <Sentri, Dupre and Spark return, blood-spattered>
 Avatar: What happened to you?
 Sentri: Well, following your orders, we attacked the wolves...
 Avatar: Huh?
 Spark: You told us to go attack the wolves!
 Avatar: Uhm...anyway.  Are you guys up for a trip back to Destard?
 Sentri: Boy jingo, yes!  Can't wait!
 Avatar: Great...Shamino left Rudyom's Wand there and I think we may need it for the end of the game.
 Shamino: It was Iolo!
 Iolo: Was not!
 Volatios: And I need it too...
 Avatar: Okay!  Well, our motto is "be prepared."  We better go buy a few hundred pounds of cheese wheels.
 Volatios: What for?  How far away is this dungeon?
 Sentri: I'm hungry!
 Spark: I could use a little food...
 Dupre: I'm famished!
 Volatios: Hmmm...do they do this all the time?
 Avatar: Do what?  Here you go, guys.
 <Avatar hands out a backpack's worth of cheese wheels>
 Volatios: That can't be good for your digestive systems.
 Avatar: Well, hm.  I filled everyone's backpacks with cheese wheels and the ship has some too, so we only need to get armor for Katrina.
 Dupre: Oh, just because she's the newest, she gets all the attention.
 Katrina: How do you expect me to make levels if I keep dying?
 Dupre: I dunno, ask the Avatar.
 Volatios: *ahem* If we could get on with this..?
 Avatar: Right, lessee, armor for Katrina, Dupre, you give her your gauntlets and Iolo can she have your boots?
 Iolo: I really hate this system.  My feet always get cold.
 Katrina: You think I like wearing your hand-me-downs?
 <they grumble all the way to the docks>
 Avatar: Here it is, the Golden Ankh!
 Volatios: What kind of ship is that?!  It looks like it's made of plastic!  And it's so small!  Where'd you get this piece of junk?
 Avatar: This was a gift from Lord British himself!
 Volatios: How generous.
 Shamino: It's better than the ship we had in the last ga---er, two hundred years ago!  That thing kept bumping into invisible rocks or
 Volatios: Whatever.  Let's go...
 (The Avatar taps on the sails, which instantly unfurl.  A catchy tune starts playing)
 Spark: Let's sing a sea shanty!
 Iolo: Not AGAIN!
 Volatios: Where is that music coming from?
 Katrina: That's my brother Carl.  He keeps following us around with
 his flute.
 Dupre: You really should tell him he's not cut out to be an adventurer.
 Katrina: Oh, he knows that.  But someone told him he should join "The Avatars," and he thought they meant "join the Avatar."
 Avatar: But when I asked him to join he said there were too many of us.
 Volatios: Perhaps he's claustrophobic?
 Iolo: I think he has an inferiority complex.
 Dupre: No, he just has a fear or failure.
 Shamino: Perhaps a fear of success...

 <they sail out towards the east as the sun sets, arguing psychology as
 they go...>

 Volatios: oooggg...what was IN that wine of yours?
 Dupre: Wine?  There was wine?  Why didn't you wake me up?
 Avatar: Cause you would drink it all.
 Shamino: Was that virtuous?  I mean, honesty and all.
 Dupre: Yeah!
 Iolo: Both of you, be quiet, my old ears can't take this...
 Volatios: Am I the only one who notices we're floating above a bunch of
 blue sparkles?
 Avatar: HuH?
 Jaana: You sailed us off the world!
 Avatar: But that's impossible!  I mean, the world wraps around now, and besides, even when it didn't we weren't able to go over the edge!
 Volatios: HuH?
 Sentri: Look, it doesn't matter, just turn around!
 Avatar: Right!  Um...where are the keys?
 Iolo: You had them in your backpack...
 Volatios: I was using it for a pillow, here, I'll get it.
 <Vol rummages through the backpack>
 Volatios: What is all this garbage?!  Clocks?  Two copies of some book by Owen?  What are all these horse and carriage deals?
 Shamino: Iolo had a thing for horses a while back.
 Volatios: Jeez, there must be a thousand keys in here.  Did it ever occur to you to use a keyring?
 Avatar: A what?
 Volatios: Never mind...which one of these is the key to the boat?
 <Everyone rummages through the backpack until the Avatar finally finds the green key he is searching for>
 Volatios: Green?  How do they do that?
 Katrina: I think it's a potion-based compound.
 <The Avatar thrusts the key into the floor of the boat.  Everyone mills around for ten minutes, then sits down on the seats>
 Avatar: Uh oh.
 Volatios: What NOW?
 Avatar: We can't go anywhere on this thing!
 Volatios: Why not?
 Avatar: We don't have the deed!
 Shamino: Oh, you mean that piece of paper I was using for my drawings?
 Volatios: Um, excuse me, but why do you need the deed?
 <everyone stares at Volatios suspiciously>
 Dupre: Why, it wouldn't be right to sail a ship without a deed!
 Sentri: Darn straight.
 Volatios: Great.  We are floating in a plastic boat over a bunch of blue twinkles miles from the ocean and---hey.  Wait a minute.  You say that the landscape ordinarily curves around like a globe?
 <The Avatar nods.>
 Volatios: Well, here's your problem...
 <Volatios climbs out of the ship and clings to it as he hangs from the bottom.>
 Volatios: Yeah, I was right.  No wonder we were going so fast.  There's a rocket on the bottom of this thing.  We must have reached escape velocity when we reached the curvature...
 Everyone else: Oh...right.
 Volatios: Doesn't help us though.  Is there another way to get back?
 Sentri: We could use "Recall."
 Spark: Ugh, no, it makes me queasy.
 Iolo: It's our only way back...
 Avatar: But we can't leave the Golden Ankh!
 Katrina: Let's put it to a vote.
 <Everyone stares at Katrina now>
 Katrina: Never mind.  *men...*
 Volatios: Well, we could just take the rocket off and put it on the other way.  If we can get it lit again we could start moving in the right
 <Volatios suits action to words, yanking off the rocket and sticking it back on>
 Volatios: Anyone have a light?
 Shamino: I have a Firedoom Staff.
 Sentri: Ack!  Put that thing away!
 Shamino: Is the itty bitty baby afraid of the Firedoom Staff?
 Sentri: Every time you take that out you hit me with it!
 Volatios: If it'll light this fuse, give it to me!
 <Shamino throws the Staff over the edge of the boat and continues to harass Sentri.  Vol catches it and touches the end to the fuse of the
 Volatios: Hmmm...I just realized I probably should get back in the boaaaaaaaaaaattttttttttttttt
 <The boat zooms backwards towards Britannia, with Volatios clinging desperately to the rocket.>

<Outside Dungeon Destard...>

<the Golden Ankh smashes into the ground, then splinters into a billion splinters>

Volatios: Whew.  For a second there I thought we'd catch fire before we landed.
Avatar: This isn't going to help the resale value.
Volatios: Let's worry about that later.  Everyone okay?
Iolo: Aye.
Dupre: Yes.
Sentri: Indeed.
Spark: Right!
Katrina: Uh huh.
Shamino: Just dandy.
Avatar: Where's Jaana?
Iolo: I think she bailed out over Buccaneer's Den.
Avatar: (cheerfully) Oh well!  We'll be fine!  Hope we don't need a healer...

<ominous foreshadowing music>

Volatios: In, then!
Volatios: What was THAT?
Iolo: Oh, the booming voice?
Volatios Yeah.
Iolo: We don't know.
Dupre: It always does that.
Volatios: (shrugs) Another thing to worry about later.  Inward!

<they head inside.>

Shamino: This is Dungeon Destard.
Volatios: DUuuuuuuh...gee, what clued you in?
Shamino: Just thought you might like to know...sorry.


Shamino: Boy, this Firedoom staff sure does a great job of lighting this cave!
Spark: But Volatios dropped the Firedoom staff after his gloves caught fire, back over the Void.  You're holding a stick from outside.
Shamino: Oh, right.  Then what's lighting the cave?
Katrina: Them, I think.

<she points to a bunch of strange fire-puffing creatures>

Volatios: Green Lockheeds, only scalier!
Creature With Notepad: We're not Lockheeds, we're Dragons.
Volatios: Hm.
Sentri: Dragons!  At last, something to kill!
Volatios: Wait, they're an endangered species!
Avatar: Bloooood!

<the Companions prepare to leap into bloody mayhem>

Volatios . o O (Got to stop them!)
Volatios: Uhhh...is that Virtuous?

<they all stop>

Avatar: Gee.
Dupre: Never thought about that before.
Shamino: Huh.
Dragon: Thank you.
Volatios: And who might you all be?
Dragon with Notepad: Well, I'm Atticus Dragon.
Dragon with fedora: I'm Canuck Dragon.
Dragon with pastry: I'm Winter.  Wanta cin'bon?
Volatios: Why, thank you.

<Vol takes the Bon and has a bite.>

Volatios: Wow!  This is MUCH better than those stupid cheese wheels! Where do you get these?
Winter: Over there. (she points at the Cinnabonnery in the corner, where Bringers of Light create the wonderful Cinnabons)
Iolo: I am hungry!  I want one!
Atticus: Hm...<to cinnabonners> Hey guys, can you whip up a batch of samples for our guests?
Head Cinnabonner: No problem, Atty.
Volatios: While we wait, can we ask you a couple of questions?

<the dragons converse briefly>

Canuck: That'd be ok.
Volatios: Fine, have you seen a---(to Avatar) Say, what does this Wand look like?
Avatar: Sort of like a purple straw.
Iolo: More like one of those cinnamon sticks they have in Britain.  What are those called?
Spark: Czechs?  Chollos?
Atticus: Did you say cinnamon?
Iolo: Yes...
Winter: In Britain?
Iolo: Yes...
Canuck: It's decided then.  You're taking us to Britain.
Avatar: What for?
Canuck: We need to find out where they get their cinnamon.  Our mines are almost exhausted.
Avatar: Okay!
Volatios: But---
Dupre: Let's go!
Volatios: The wand---

<Winter slaps Vol with a wet noodle.>

Winter: Our problems are more important!  This could determine the future of all dragonkind!
Atticus: No kidding!
Sentri: Is all dragonkind just you three?
Winter: Of course not!  But we're wasting time!  To Britain!
Spark: Oh boy!  We can get some fruit at the Farmer's Market!
Volatios: But---

<Winter thwaps Vol onna nose with a rolled-up newspaper.  "Bad!  Bad!  Bad!">

Avatar: Okay, let's go, but everyone be alert for danger.

<Instantly, the companions run up to the wall and begin whacking it with their weapons.>

Volatios: What the heck are you all doing?
Katrina: There's a serpent behind this wall!
Spark: Must smash it!
Dupre: Dangerous serpents!
Volatios: But how can you---oh, never mind.
Canuck: Can we get going?  C'mon!  Now!  Now!  Now!
Volatios: Oh, I give up.  Let's go, then.

<The Companions and Volatios, now with Atticus, Canuck, and Winter to aid them, head off for Britain.>

<outside Destard>

Volatios: You know, that's really quite annoying.
Canuck: Oh, that?  That's our security system.
Atticus: Yeah, keeps out the riffraff.
Canuck: Works reeeeeally well.
Winter: Hey, they're gonna get us some cinnamon, they aren't riffraff!
<a yellow cat wearing a goofy cat looks up, then goes back to slinking around>
Avatar: Well, off to Britain!
Volatios: From what you've told me it's quite a ways walking distance...
Dupre: Only two days!  A mere blink of an eye!
<Volatios blinks at Dupre.>
Volatios: Riiiiight.
Winter: Well, we don't have to walk!
Iolo: (snaps fingers) That's right!  We can use one of my horse and carriages!
Spark: Great idea!
Shamino: But we left them all in trinsic.
Iolo: Oh dear!  Well, they weren't too expensive...
Canuck: And there's no intrinsic value of a horse and carriage...
Atticus: (thwaps Canuck) Bad pun!
Winter: I wasn't talking about horses anyway...
Sentri: Of course, the magic carpet!
Spark: Great idea!
Katrina: But you left that on the Isle of Fire.
Avatar: Well, the moongate was right there...I wasn't thinking...
<Winter lashes everyone justly with the wet noodle.  They shut up.>
Winter: Thank you.  Canuck, will you do the honors?
Canuck: Soitenly.
<Canuck whips out a black gem and throws it on the ground.  A psychedelic vehicle appears.>
Canuck: Meet the Chaos Car!
Avatar: Wow...it's so...big.
Dupre: And colorful!
Volatios: Why is the outside painted like that?
Canuck: What, all the prisms?
Volatios: Yeah.
Canuck: I dunno.  I just felt it gave me some breathing room.
Atticus: I guess you could say he was a little brain damaged at the time.
Canuck: Well, and I didn't have the time or money to do anything more elaborate.
Atticus: I would have liked any other color...but a black background...bleah.
Volatios: *ahem* We're kind of in a hurry...
Canuck: Oh, right.
Atticus: Yeah, we are on the run, aren't we?
<Canuck and Atticus start giggling insanely>
Winter: *sigh*
<Winter waves the wet noodle in Canuck and Atticus's direction>
Winter: Let's GO already.
<They all hop in.>

Inside the Chaos Car.
Volatios: Boy, this thing sure is big.
Canuck: Right.
Avatar: How does it move?  Where's the big spinning arrow?
Canuck: Arrows?  We don't need no steeeeenking arrows.
<Canuck growls at the Chaos Car, and the hatch closes.>
Iolo: But Shamino is still---
Canuck: Too late.
<he growls again, and the hatch opens, revealing Britain outside.>
Spark: Wow!
Sentri: How does it work?
Canuck: Oh, just a little something I whipped up...
<Atticus bonks Canuck on the elbow.>
Canuck: ...er, something WE whipped up.  Atticus kinda gave me the idea.
Volatios: Nice.  Now, can we get going?
<they rush outside to the Farmer's Market.>
Iolo: Do you still have those cinnamon sticks?
Salesman: No, we stopped supplying those a year ago.  I hear the mine that gets us the cinnamon is running out.
Canuck: D'oh!
Winter: Do you know of any other cinnamon mines?
Salesman: No, but Rudyom does.
Avatar: Hot diggety!  Now we can go to Cove!
Spark: Yay!
Volatios: Why is that good?
Spark: We just like to go on missions like this.  Don't you?
Volatios: Er...of course.
Sentri: Well, before we go to Cove, can we visit Lord British?
Atticus: No time!
Sentri: Pleeeeease?
Atticus: No.
Dupre: Pretty Please?
Atticus: NO.
Iolo: Pretty Please with Cream Cheese Frosting on top?
Atticus: Blasphemer!  I oughta roast you!
Canuck: Atty.
Atticus: What?
Canuck: CHILL.
Atticus: But I'm a Drag--oh, fine.
Canuck: Everyone back in the car!
Katrina: (whispering, to Sentri) You know, it would probably be Honourable to stay behind and visit Lord British...
Sentri: (whispering back) You're right...nothing unvirtuous...we'll just hide behind these benches.
<They take cover.  Everyone else files inside the Car, which promptly vanishes.>
Sentri: Uh oh.
Katrina: I forgot!  We can't do anything without the Avatar's permission!
Sentri: I guess we better just stand here until he gets back.
Katrina: Right.
<Meanwhile, in Rudyom's house>
Winter: Do YOU know where we can get some cinnamon?
Rudyom: Indeed I do, Bert!
<Winter blinks.>
Canuck: Hey, Winter, look at that!
<he points to a caged Dragon in the corner.>
<winter fries the cage>
Rudyom: My pet fire lizard!  Do you know how hard it is to replace cages made two hundred years ago?
Baby Dwagon: Cooo.
Volatios: Aw, a hatchling dragon.
Avatar: KILLL!
Volatios: It's not virtuous!
Avatar: Oh, right.  (sheathes blade)
Rudyom: Give me back my fire lizard!
Winter: (indignantly) He's not a fire lizard.
Atticus: Yeah, he's a dragon.
Rudyom: No he's not!  Look, he's so small and weak!  He can't be a dragon!
Atticus: He's just a hatchling, but he's still a dragon!
Volatios: Technically, he's right.  He IS a dragon.
Rudyom: Nonsense!  He can't even breathe fire, how can he be a dragon?
<suddenly the baby dragon spouts a small breath of flame at Iolo>
Iolo: Ow!
Winter: What do you call that?
Rudyom: Ah, er, he has to breathe fire on purpose to be a dragon!
Atticus: That's not what you said a minute ago!
Rudyom: Be quiet!  I don't want to hear this!
Canuck: This guy is even weirder than I am.
Rudyom: I'm not liiiistening....hmmm hmmmmm hm hm hmmmmm...
Winter: We are not getting anywhere.
Dupre: I'm bored.
Spark: Me too.
Winter: Well, I guess we'll just leave then.
Volatios: Can we go back to Destard?  There's still the matter of the wand...
Winter: Sure, I guess.  C'mon, baby dragon!
Baby: Coo!
<Baby follows the Company into the Chaos Car, which pops out of reality.>
Rudyom: Blah.

<outside Dungeon Destard.  Shamino is standing here, looking rather bored.>

<The Chaos Car appears.  Volatios, Atticus, Canuck, Winter, the Avatar, Dupre, Iolo, and Spark step out.  Winter is holding Baby Dwagon.>

Shamino: Hail, Avatar!
Volatios: What, have you just been standing here since we left?
Shamino: Aye!
Avatar: (to Shamino) Leave.
Shamino: Are you sure you want me to leave?
Avatar: Yes.
Shamino: Do you want me to return to Britain or remain here?
Avatar: Stay here.
Shamino: I shall be waiting for you to return!
Avatar: Join.
Shamino: I am glad to rejoin you!
<Volatios and the grownup Dragons look rather puzzled.  The Companions have eager smiles on their faces.>
Atticus: What exactly was the point of all that?
Avatar: I had to get Shamino to start following us again.
Volatios: What FOR?
Winter: SSSSSSSSSSSSH!  Can't you see Baby's asleep?
<they all hush up, except for the Companions>
Iolo: I have a bad feeling.
Winter: idiots... <BAM!>
Iolo: owwwww...
Winter: I'm taking Baby inside...Attie, Vol, Can, you can come.  The REST of you stay out here.
Iolo: But it's cold, and there are wolves after us!
Wolves: howwwwwwwlllll!
<Winter tiptoes inside, followed by Atticus, Canuck, and Volatios.>
Winter: Dammit, Canuck, I've had enough of your security system! <she yanks the speakers out of the bushes and trashes them.>
Canuck: No!  You cannot do that!  You must---I mean, but they took forever to make...fine.  <glares at Winter angrily.  She ignores him.>
Baby: Waaaaaaaaaahhh.....
Winter: I smell gingerbread...Mom?  Are you in here anyplace?
<a slightly older, smiling, loving Dragon walks out of the back room>
Mom: Winter!  Atticus!
Winter & Atticus: Mom!
Mom: I just thought I'd stop by to visit...the Weyrmount gets so lonely sometimes.
Winter: Your timing couldn't be better Mom...we just rescued this Baby
Dragon from Rudyom.
Mom: Oh!
<Mom takes Baby in her arms and whispers a lullaby.  Baby falls into a tranquil sleep.>
Mom: It's been so long since there were Baby Dragons around here...I must stay for a while to take care of him...
Canuck: (winking, to Atticus) I think she was just looking for a reason to stay.
Atticus: Hush up.  You know Mom loves children...
<And, watching her gently rock Baby, it appears she does.>
Mom: Won't you all stay for a while?  I've got fresh cocoa and gingerbread...
Winter: Sure!
Volatios: (speaking up) Look, that would be really nice...before we get settled in, have you run across a purple wand?
Mom: Why, yes! (she pulls out Rudyom's Wand)  Is this it?
Volatios: Ah, I don't quite know.  Can I borrow it for a second?
Mom: Certainly! (she hands it to Vol)
Volatios: I'll be right back!
<Vol rushes outside>
Mom: So how have you been, my children?
Atticus: Welll...
Mom: Do you need someone to talk to?
Atticus: Yeah.
Mom: Come here!
<Mom gives Atticus a warm hug.>
Mom: Now what's wrong?
Atticus: Well, it's this thing with Deranged...
Canuck: (to Winter) Perhaps we should leave...
<Winter nods.  They tiptoe out to another room.  Meanwhile, outside Destard...>
Volatios: Is this the wand?
Avatar: Let me see...
<he stares at the wand for a second.>
Avatar: Yes, its name is Rudyom's Wand...that's the one.
Volatios: Where is it written? <examines wand>
Avatar: No, I used my sixth sense of 'clicking.'
Volatios: Really.
Iolo: Yes, the Avatar is the only one with it.
Shamino: It's the same power that lets him move objects, open boxes, and tell us who to attack.
Volatios: Really.  Well, I'll be right back!
<runs inside.>
Dupre: Wait!  We didn't get to tell you how he uses 'clicking' to cast spells!
<inside Destard>
Atticus: I really think Deranged has gone too far this time?
Mom: You mean using his illusory powers to confuse us?
Atticus: Dragons always hate being confused.
<Volatios runs in.>
Volatios: Am I, ah, interrupting something?
Mom: No, of course not!  You're always welcome in my home.
Volatios: Why, thank you.  Anyway, this is the wand...I was wondering if I could have it.
Mom: Certainly!  Anything you need is yours.
Volatios: Great!  Now all I need is a blackrock gate...
Atticus: Did you say blackrock?
Volatios: Yes...
Atticus: <gasps> That's what Deranged's Palace is made of!
Mom: Oh dear...you'd better fetch Winter and Canuck.
<Atticus flies off to get them.>
Volatios: What?  What did I say?
Mom: Deranged is a Dragon who is working on creating a giant illusion spell over all Britannia.  His Palace floats above Britannia, and it's
made of blackrock...if you have any knowledge of blackrock you could save us all.
Volatios: I happen to be an expert in the field.
<Atticus returns with Winter and Canuck.>
Mom: He's says he's an expert in the field of blackrock.
Canuck: Wonderful!
Winter: We could stop Deranged...one question, though.
All: What?
Winter: What are we going to do about those weirdos outside?

When we left off, Atticus, Canuck, Winter, Volatios and Mom were discussing the threat of Deranged Dragon casting a spell of illusion over
Britannia, while the Companions waited outside...

<outside Dungeon Destard>
<Atticus, Canuck, Winter, and Volatios step out of the cave.>
Volatios: So where is this palace of Deranged's?
Canuck: Erm.
Atticus: We don't precisely know.
Canuck: It's invisble.
Atticus: Part of the illusion.
Avatar: Sounds like a quest!
Shamino: Oh boy!
Volatios: Well, I guess it could be---
<suddenly, there is a flash of light, and a mysterious person appears>
The Writer: Oh, dear, this is not working at all.
All: Who are YOU?
Writer: I'm the writer of the story!  And, boy, it's gotten out of control.
All: Huh?
Writer: I mean, it started out to be a bit of poking fun at the strange ways of Ultima characters..then began to be a parody of Dragonly
events...now it's starting to take itself seriously.  This won't do at all.
Volatios: Run that by me again.
Writer: This plotline with Deranged's palace and an illusion spell...it's too TSRish.  Not going to work.  I need to get back to the original focus of the story, I think, which was...
Spark: I'm bored.
Iolo: Let's kill something!
<The companions instantly agree and fling themselves on The Writer, who is easily hacked to pieces given as he's only wearing a t-shirt and blue jeans.>
Writer: Arrrgh...this bodes not well....*
Winter: You idiots!
Canuck: Ewww.  What's that green mist coming from his body?
Dupre: Green mist, apparently.
<Suddenly, the green mist envelopes the companions, who vanish.  The mist continues to spread across Britannia...but let's get back to our

^G Get Help ^O WriteOut ^R Read Fillookkat that liiiiiiighhhhtttt words,infinite words, a stream on infinity, of binarylightsmonitor
speechpack C:\ORIGINconnected to Netcommm........

<The gang steps out of The Writer's computer screen.>
Volatios: At last, Earth!  But it's kinda...big.
<And indeed it is.  Our friends are each about an inch high, if that.>
Avatar: What the &*#%?  This is weird...
Dupre: (aghast) What did you say, Avatar?
Atticus: (snaps fingers) I get it!
<everyone turns to Atticus>
Atticus: Well, with the Writer dead, we're no longer being scripted!  We're behaving like our real selves rather than parodies.  It's just
happening at different rates for each of us...
Canuck: What about all that mist?
Shamino: And our being in a gigantic room.
Atticus: I dunno.  I guess we're switching places with the writer or something.
Canuck: So what are we supposed to do?
Iolo: I have an idea!
All: What?
Iolo: Well, the Writer died in the story, right?
All: Yeah...
Iolo: Well, if we rewrite the story so he doesn't die we can get back home!
Volatios: Uhm, for me this IS home.  It's just a bit big, and I'm on Earth, but at least I'm in the right universe.
Iolo: Well, we can write you a nice moongate or something.
Avatar: Nice plan, geezer, but how are we going to pull this off?
Iolo: Look at the screen up there!  See where it says "<outside Dungeon Destard>"?
Spark: I get it!  That's the beginning of the story, before the Writer teleported in to try to work things out!
Canuck: (to Atticus) Is it just me or is Winter being extremely quiet and Spark being extremely smart?
Atticus: (to Canuck) I noticed that too...perhaps Spark's change has to do with not being badly scripted anymore...I dunno about Winter.
Winter: I'm fine, I'm just worried about Mom.
Iolo: Annnnnyway.  Yes.  We can just push down on these keys to write out a better ending for the story.
Shamino: But they're written in some strange language!
Volatios: Perhaps this will help.
<Volatios points to an open book on the desk.  The current page shows a chart of all the Britannian Runes and the letters on the keyboard.>
Shamino: I get it now!  Let's go!
Atticus: Hold it, what are we going to write?
Avatar: Oh, shut up, you stupid Dragon.
Volatios: That was uncalled for.
Avatar: What, are you on THEIR side?  Dragons are morons!  Fools!  Die!
<The Avatar unsheathes his blade.  Winter rears up.>
Winter: Listen, I've had a really bad day, and I don't have time for this #*@!.
Avatar: I don't care!  BWAHAHAHAH!
<The Avatar removes his mask, revealing his true form of...MADMAN ADAM!>
All: Gasp!
Adam: Yes, I am Madman Adam, archfoe of all Usenet!  Now, I'll just destroy this computer and that will be the end of this pitiful story!>
<Adam raises up a ball of flaming oil, and prepares to strike...>

Previously...hoo boy.  The writer stepped into the story and was slaughtered by the Companions, who then took his place in the real world,
where it turns out they are extremely small but aren't being written poorly anymore...they formulate a plan to rewrite the ending of the story, but the Avatar reveals himself to be Madman Adam, archfoe of Usenet, and decides to destroy the computer and end the world of Mac A Tattoo forever!!!!

Atticus: Wait!  You CAN'T destroy that computer!
Adam: Why not?  I'm the physical embodiment of the spirit of Trolling!  I can do anything!
Atticus: But if you destroy the computer we'll cease to exist, right?
Adam: Well, yeah.  That was kind of the point.
Atticus: But who's writing us right now?
<Adam blinks.>
Atticus: We are!  We're going to write this part in the future.  But if you destroy the computer and kill us now, no one will be able to write
this part, so...
Adam: I don't understand!  STOP MAKING SENSE!
Canuck: Figures.  AOL.
<Adam flings the flaming oil at the computer, but suddenly a golden blast explodes through the desk, incinerating Canuck, Shamino, Dupre, the flaming oil, and Madman Adam.  Through the hole in the desk floats a golden-armored, orange-skinned, noseless superhero.>
Desperado: Nobody move.
<This isn't difficult, as everyone is paralyzed with shock at the sudden death.>
Desperado: Now, who
<Voices in the distance..."What a terrible ending..." .... "hmmmmmm....">
Canuck: Wait!  There's no point in destroying that computer!
Adam: So?  I'm the living embodiment of the spirit of Trolling!  I don't need to have a point to cause trouble!
Canuck: No, I mean that won't DO anything.
Adam: How so?
Atticus: <snaps fingers> He's right!  The story has to be stored someplace else too!
Adam: Blast!  Hey, that gives me an idea!  <He pulls out a Doom Wand and starts shooting Blasts at Shamino.>
Dupre: Aeeeeeeeeeeeiaaaaaaaaa-----urk.
Shamino: Dupre!  NooooOO!
Winter: This is NOT looking good----aaaaaarrrrrrrrrk!  <She falls down dead as a Blast hits her.>
Shamino: Only one chance now!
<Shamino runs off to become Capt
<Voices in the distance..."way from keyboard, sky!"...."why is it that
Dupre always dies?"...."no more deaths!"...>
Madman Adam: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH------urk!
<A giant hand appears, picks up Adam, and flings him into the Writer's trash can.>
Spark: That was conven
<Voices in the distance..."deus ex machina..."...."scott lobdell"..."one
more try..."...>
<Suddenly, a magical aura whips 'round Volatios, Spark, Dupre, and Shamino, spiriting them away and replacing them with Deranged, BlueStar, Lady Skyblade, and ... Atticus?>
Atticus1: Huh?
Atticus2: I'll explain later.  We're here on behalf of the Ultima Dragons Internet Chapter.
Bluestar: Actually, we're just one faction of the UDIC.
Skyblade: The Fans of Mac A Tattoo Club.
Deranged: We just can't let you end the story in such a...lame way.
Adam: And what power do you have to stop me?
Atticus2: Simple...
<Atticus2 waves his hands, and a magical aura whips 'round Winter, Canuck, and Atticus1, spriting them away...>
Skyblade: The power to use the 'net.
Adam: What have you done with them?
Bluestar: We saved them on the World Wide Web.
Atticus2: You can't touch them there.
Adam: I can still destroy this story!  <He raises the flaming oil...>
Atticus2: NO!
<The four Fans wave their arms, and a magical aura whips into the computer, which glows briefly.  Adam's oil explodes into the computer and shatters it into a million pieces.>
Atticus2: You can't destroy the story by destroying the computer when the story is saved on the World Wide Web.
Adam: I still have one more weapon...
<He pulls out a gigantic bomb with a smiley face painted on it.>
Adam: What, the hell, have a Good Time.
<He presses the detonator button, and a shower of shiny Spam-slabs explodes out of the bomb...an apparently endless shower, which batters
the Dragons near-senseless, as well as Adam.>
Deranged: No!  If that gets into a modem somehow, we're sunk!  It'll cripple the Net and we won't exist anymore!
Bluestar: What can we do?
Deranged: One chance...
<Deranged somehow leaps through the Spam blizzard and grabs Madman Adam.>
Adam: What are you doing, you draconian freak?
Deranged: Don't frag with the lords of RGCUD!
<Deranged, with the relentless viciousness of a Doomed yet determined warrior, pushes Adam into the flaming core of the spam-bomb, which promptly explodes in a flaming tower of fire, taking the entire house with it...>


<New Magincia>
Avatar: Tell me more about your philosophy.
Peasant: Glad you asked!  The Fellowship advances the philosophy of "sanguine cognition..."
Avatar: Very interesting...

Epilogue II.

<Rockwell's Chamber of Planning.>
Deranged: Well, then, it looked like it worked.
Bluestar: I still don't understand.
Deranged: Well, Adam was the living embodiment of Trolling.  That means he's a being of Usenet.
Bluestar: Riiiiight...
Deranged: So I figured that if I shoved him into the bomb they would merge, cause the bomb's also a being of Usenet.
Bluestar: Riiiiight...
Deranged: And if they merged, there would just be too much raw spammage.  Enough to cause some serious lag, which would buy us time to figure out a good plan.
Bluestar: And the explosion?
Deranged: I hadn't expected that.
Atticus2: Apparently even the worst spammers have their limits.
Skyblade: So he overloaded?
Atticus2: Best theory I've got.
Skyblade: Great!  Cinnabons anyone?
Bluestar: No argument here?

<They all bite into hot, sticky Cinnabons as the curtain closes...>


And in The End, the humor you make is equal to the humor...you see...

 <~~~|||%%%!!!===@@@---Atticus Dragon---@@@===!!!%%%|||~~~>
(formerly Sabretooth, Metal Mutant, Desperado, and Volatios)

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