Ultima on Strike

by Paladia Dragon

(Iolo, Shamino, Dupre, and Gwenno are sitting in a coffee shop like in Sienfeld.)

Iolo: You know, I'm sick of these Dragons pushing us around, telling us what to do!

Shamino: I'm tired of wearing diapers!

Dupre: I hate being the drunken idiot!

Gwenno: And why am I always the smartest of all of us?

Iolo: I'm sick of being a fat old fart. Those Dragons won't let me join Weight Watchers. I always have to eat, and eat, and eat.....

Shamino: Well, as of now, I'm on strike!

Iolo: Me too!

Dupre: Me too!

Gwenno: Me too!

(Avatar enters. He, no she, no it is 1/2 man and 1/2 woman. He, no she, no it walks up to the group.)

Avatar: Hi! What's up?

Dupre: We're on strike!

Avatar: Guess I'll join you. I'm sick of walking around 1/2 man 1/2 woman until some Dragon decides what I am then directs my every move!

Gwenno: Let's go to the UDIC and kick some Dragon butt!

(They walk up to the UDIC webpage. When they try to get in, they are stopped by a mighty Guard Dragon.)

Guard Dragon: None shall pass!

Avatar: I have no quarrel with you, brave Dragon.

Guard Dragon: Then you shall die!

(A Klump Kalash salesman walks through)

Salesman: Klump Kalash! Klump Kalash!

Guard Dragon: Ooh! Wait a second!

(Rushes up and buys some Klump Kalash. By the time he gets back they are gone. They approach the center of the room where a Queen Dragon is sitting on a throne.)

Gwenno: Why are YOU on Lord British's throne?

Queen Dragon: Because I'm the writer in disguise! Now, what can I do you for?

Dupre: We would like to inform you that we are on strike!

Queen Dragon: Strike! Why?

Iolo: We demand better treatment of us, your characters!

Queen Dragon: Better treatment? I give you all the Pampers you could ask for!

Shamino: Pampers? What could we do with Pampers?

Queen Dragon: Shamino, you are now 2 years old!

Shamino: Two? How can...

(Shamino is transformed into a 2 year old)

Gwenno: How did you do that?

Queen Dragon: As I said, I am the writer in disguise!

Shamino: Goo Goo Ga Ga!

Iolo: Not much of a change if you ask me.

Queen Dragon: Now leave. I have better things to do than argue with you all.

(Godzilla comes in and eats Shamino, Iolo, Gwenno, and Dupre for no good reason except to get rid of them for now.)

Queen Dragon: Now Avatar, I will have to deal with you myself.

Avatar: I thought you were a Dragon! If you killed me, there would be to more pointless stories! Would you honestly kill me, or at least try?

Queen Dragon: You're right! I'll just have to summon someone who will....(Thinks) I have it!

(Hanson appears and Queen Dragon disappears.)


(A large crowd of Dragons appear to watch. The Klump Kalash salesman walks by)

Salesman: Klump Kalash! Klump Kalash!

Avatar: I'll take that! (Grabs a Klump Kalash.) The perfect weapon!

(Stabs Hanson but dies when the song "Wierd" is played on a radio.Then he/she/it finds himself/herself/itself in a Mc Donalds where the Companions and a lot of dead people are eating.)

Avatar: Am I dead?

Iolo: Yup.

Avatar: Oh, well. Guess I'll have some food.

(Walks up to the counter)

Cashier: Would you like a McRhino? We guarantee it's McRotten.

Avatar: Ok

(Hands the Avatar a McRhuno. Avatar takes a bite.)

Avatar: Heyyyy, I didn't order any McMaggots!

(Lord British walks in)

LB: I demand respect and order for I am your creator!

(Everyone stares at him)

LB: Well answer me!

(They stare some more until finally...)

Dupre: I'm bored. Let's kill him! Maybe he'll get stuck in Ultima 8!

Avatar: That would be a good punishment for making that horrible game!

(Avatar attacks LB with his McRhino)

LB: I'm invincible!

Avatar: You're a looney.

Cashier: Stop fighting and have a McRhino!

(LB takes a bite and dies. Queen Dragon enters)

Queen Dragon: I'll give you 1 last shot at life as long as you do what I want!

Dupre: Ok

Iolo: Ok

Gwenno: Ok

Shamino: Ok

Avatar: Ok

Lady Tory: Ok

Patterson: Ok

Nelson: Ok

Exodus: Ok

Mondain: Ok

Minax: Ok

Queen Dragon: Hey! Only the companions!

Lady Tory: D'oh!

Patterson: D'oh!

Nelson: D'oh!

Exodus: D'oh!

Mondain: D'oh!

Minax: Waah!


The author has nothing against the UDIC. This story was meant as a gag.
-Paladia Dragon

So that's it. Hope you like it!
Paladia Dragon 

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